1000 Ways to Die: MC Style
by hunter049
Summary: We live in a world filled with chaos and creepers. It's a miracle we survive every day. Because every day we play, we face a...
1. Starving Steve

**I don't own Minecraft or _1000 Ways to Die_. That belongs to Notch and Spike, respectively. Well, Notch , Mojang, Notch's partners, and affiliate companies for Minecraft.**

**Now with the disclaimer over, let's get down to business. This is clearly a parody or tribute or whatever of _1000 Ways to Die_. I like the show, and I personally suggest you watch it. However, it does have its moments of blood and gore, however fake it is. They're based on real stories, mind you.**

**All of these accounts have happened to me, will happen to me, or never happened to me. So have fun reading about my potential demises. Let's start off with one of the first ways to die you could possibly think of in Minecraft.**

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**Way to Die #24: Starving Steve**

Notch, please! My stomach, it feels like it's digesting itself. I've gone days without food since I landed on this dreadful island, and I fear my end will come soon. I"m too weak to fend for myself, and I'm sure even tripping would spell doom for me.

I ate my last steak several days ago. _Grass_ seems pretty delicious, but as luck would have it, I've wandered into the desert. It must have been during one of my "drunken" hazes. I"m drunk off sheer hunger. My best guess would be that my body wants me to feel good as I die.

My body isn't helpful.

The moon is starting to rise. Every night, limping from monsters really takes a toll on me. I know one of these nights I won't wake up. All I hope is that I die in my slee-

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"And as you can see," the doctor said," this body suffered from exposure, dehydration, and starvation. His muscles atrophied. The subject must have been in considerable pain at the time of death. His organ tissues were completely desiccated, so we can see all the damage he took as the body is perfectly preserved in this desert."

He continued. "His stomach had actually shrunken. Overall, he died from lack of water or food. A truly painful and slow way to die."

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**I know it's short. They're like mini-fics. I forget the name. Drabbles? That doesn't apply here, I think... **

**Oh well. R&R with my stories. Read and review. You've done the first, do the second please. Then do it with my other ones if you have time and interest. Until then...**

**-Hunter**


	2. Diamond Hunting Fail

**I don't own Minecraft. Notch, his partners, Mojang, and affiliate companies do. I don't own ****_1000 Ways to Die_****, either. Spike TV does.**

**If you didn't know already, Chapter 10 of _War of the Withers_ is now up! We're (Zing and I) sorry for the long wait. **

**Alright, I'm happy to see reviews so early on already. And more reviews (preferably ones with concrit or suggestions or simply saying what you like to show what I'm doing well in) will help the process. So there you go. If you want faster posts, review.**

**This is for Most retarded wolf in the pack, who suggested this method of death and a couple others that I'll do. I hope you enjoy yourself.**

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**Way to Die #375: Diamond Hunting Fail**

I couldn't be much happier. Notch blessed me with diamonds, at least 20 of them. I"ll have a chest plate, a sword, and a pick by the end of tomorrow.

As I started to walk back up to the staircase to the surface, a glint of blue caught my eye. I grinned. _One more won't hurt._

I ran over, and as luck would have it, there was no lava around. Good thing, too. I'm hungry, and a skeleton wounded me earlier. I won't stand up to much more damage. I smiled and raised my pick over my shoulder. I stood right over the diamond to make sure I'd get it.

I let my pick drop, and then raised it to drop it again. I grabbed the diamond, and paled when I saw the orange magma under me. It was too late to jump away, and I fell in. It burnt my skin, going through my iron armor.

I screamed and jumped out once my feet hit the bottom. I felt my skin blister and even start to melt off in places. I had to crawl towards my water source. My hand was inches away, and success! My hand was in. All I had to do was-

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The doctor nudged the corpse with his shoe. "As you can clearly see, the subject suffered _fourth-degree_ burns. Those are only when the burn reaches the bone."

"He must have been in extraordinary agony, but his brain probably was overwhelmed so the subject didn't feel it." He continued. "Funny enough, the hand decayed normally, but the rest of the bones were charred, and the skin was leathery coal. Poor guy."

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**Sorry if that was too short, but as I said, death drabbles. For me, those are incredibly short. But I hope you liked it, or at least didn't hate it. **

**Anyways, so check out my other stories if you have time. If not, have a good one.**

**-Hunter**


	3. Pressure Plate Problems

**I don't own Minecraft. Notch does, as well as his partners, Mojang, and affiliate companies.**

**I really do appreciate all your support, readers. The reviewers I thank personally, since they suggest to me things I never would have thought of on my own. **

**For this chapter I thank Most retarded wolf in the pack, since she reminded me of the Desert Temples. Thanks!**

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**Way to Die #36: Pressure Plate Problems**

The adventurer smiled. He had finally found a village in the desert, and next to it lay a desert temple, of all things. After making his home near the village, he grabbed his gear to investigate the hot temple.

He walked in, and moaned in a bit of pleasure. The heat from the outside desert scorched his skin, and inside it was nice and cool. He reveled in the low temperature for a while longer and placed torches all around.

In the center, disappointingly, was the only apparent treasure. A single piece of blue wool decorated the center flooring.

He sighed, and went to grab the wool. He snatched it from the floor, and gasped.

Under the floor was a pit. It was conceivably a death fall for the weak, or a simple trap for the rest. He smirked, content in thinking himself to be in the latter.

He took out a pick and mined around the pit. Inside, he found chests in the walls. He smiled and walked through the center for the biggest chest. _Click_.

He paled and looked down at his feet. A pressure plate activated, and a hissing noise began.

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Outside, the doctor whistled as a massive explosion wracked the beautiful desert. "The TNT was powerful enough to demolish the temple. You can guess what it did to that poor man's body. But I'll tell you anyways, in detail."

He cleared his throat, which was scratchy and dry from the sand. "If we take it slow, as it felt to him, we can see what terrible things happened. As the TNT exploded, the floor turned to shrapnel. His legs were broken from the shock wave and torn up from the pieces of sandstone."

"After that, even the chests' contents were dangerous projectiles. No doubt a diamond entered his skull. But the sheer amount of explosives removed any evidence of his body. So he died swiftly but in excruciating pain."

He dusted himself off, and went back to the village for a drink of water.

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**Why does the same doctor keep conveniently being at the scene of death? Who knows (besides me). Review if you liked it or found errors. Read my other stories if you got the time. **

**Until next time, this was Hunter.**


	4. Pig Push

**I don't own Minecraft. That'd be Notch, his partners, Mojang, and affiliate companies. I do not own 1000 Ways to Die, for that is Spike TV's property. **

**Alright, so I will do a slightly tweaked version of what bookworm78900 suggested. I do read the reviews and my PM inbox.**

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The adventurer watched over the valley. The sun was setting majestically on the horizon, sending purple and pink rays through the sky as a last goodbye.

He sighed in contentedness on his perch on the cliff. His pockets were filled to the brim with stolen items. He wasn't a normal adventurer, but a thief, griefer, and raider.

Then a snort echoed from behind him. He turned, and was face to snout with a pig. Strangely, this pig seemed smarter than the already intelligent pig population.

It snorted and shook its head, seemingly knowledgeable as to this adventurer's actions. It stepped back, then charged forward.

Other than the wind being taken from him, he felt fine. Turning to the pig, he scowled. The pig seemed to nod, and the ground beneath the adventurer crumbled.

The wind rushed past his ears, he tried to grab a rock or something to catch himself. Nothing was in reach, and he slammed down into the ground. He rolled over, and coughed blood. Spots were invading his vision. Still, he felt he would live.

Then he heard a squeal, coming closer and from above. His vision cleared up enough to see the pig about to land. Right on top of him.

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The doctor laughed, and petted the pig who still was nearby. "As you can see, the first initial impact between the man and the ground was the precursor to an instant kill for the pig."

The pig snorted and nuzzled the doctor's hand. "The fall caused instant rupture of some internal organs, and definite fracture of at least half his bones. The sheer trauma sent his body into shock, letting him think he could survive such a catastrophic system failure."

"Then this little guy fell on his torso, causing broken ribs to pierce inward, into his heart and lungs. Death was soon, but far too long. I imagine he was in a great deal of pain, since even shock can't cover _that_ much." He patted the pig on the head, and walked off towards the final wisps of sunlight.

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**So there you go. I hope you liked this short death drabble. Review and read my other stories, if you have time. If not or if so, I wish you a good time.**


	5. Killer Clucks

**I don't own Minecraft. That would be Notch, his partners, Mojang, and affiliate companies. I don't own 1000 Ways to Die, that would be Spike TV.**

**Alright, so this was another suggestion by bookworm, a very helpful person. Enjoy.**

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Bob yawned. His pockets were filled with ill-gained wealth, like gold and diamonds. His shirt was covered in flecks of blood and other things. He need to get out of sight, stay low.

Then he saw a glimmer of light, and squinted. There was a house with a chicken pen in the back, and Bob smirked. He could hide out there until day, kill the farmer, and stay there for a while.

He slithered closer to the fence in the back, and opened the gate. He entered the chicken pen soon after, and stuck his tongue out at the birdy smell.

"Well, at least if I sleep here I can have a nice breakfast. Killing this farmer should make for a nice substitution for coffee." He confided in the sleeping chicken.

Then it awoke, and Bob prepared to smother it. He jumped back as it let out a gurgled cluck, and looked at him with red eyes. "Cluggggck," it let out.

Then it lunged at him, pecking his eye. He grabbed it and flung it down, noticing foam at its beak. Touching his strangely numbing eye, his hand came back with foam at his fingers.

"I'm sure it's nothing."

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The doctor entered the pen, shaking his head at Bob's body. "Should have come inside for help. I was in there, you know. The farmer's a friend of mine."

He touched both the chicken's and human's neck for pulses. Both were still alive, but would die soon from the rabies infection. The doctor pulled out a needle. "Farmer wanted me to cure the chicken. I, unfortunately, only brought enough antidote for one subject."

He looked over both bodies. "I think it should go to the more productive member of society." The needle entered the plump chicken's skin.

After a few minutes, the chicken clucked happily and nuzzled the doctor's hand. "No need to thank me, chicken."

The doctor stood and dragged Bob's body out the door.

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**So what did you think? I realize chickens most likely cannot contract rabies, and that it isn't that potent as to kill within half a day in most cases. But hey! Who's fanfic is this? Mine.**

**Anyways, thanks to bookworm for the ideas. I hope you liked this chapter. **


	6. Great Gravel Grave

**Turtlely do NOT own Minecraft. That's Notch, his partners, Mojang, and affiliate companies. I don't own 1000 Ways to Die, either. Spike TV does.**

**Alright. Thanks to Bookworm and Jman for this idea. The idea was similar from both of them.**

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Bob, who changed his name to Toasty for unknown reasons, was again out murdering and stealing. Hiding out in a cave, he went deeper and deeper. Passing stone after stone, he was amazed at how boring this cave was.

Then he saw a glint of blue stone. He ran over, and yes! There it was, a diamond on the cave ceiling. Toasty grabbed a stolen pick and pierced the ore. As the diamond fell into his hands, he groaned.

Gravel was right on top and around where the diamond had been. Now disturbed, the heavy, coarse substance came crashing down on him.

Only a diamond glinted in the pile of rock pieces.

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The doctor came in, gently dusting off Toasty. He shook his head. "He never could resist shiny things..."

"Toasty was knocked onto his back from the weight, and he sustained a concussion from the small fall. But that was the least of his worries."

He played with gravel between his fingers. "The sheer weight pushed the air out of his lungs. He couldn't inhale or exhale, thanks to the pressure. He suffocated."

He laughed. "I'll take that." He grabbed the diamond and walked out of the cave.

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**Sorry it was so short, but the idea was simple and there wasn't much to do with it. I hope you enjoyed it, or at least didn't hate it too much. Please don't hit me!**

**-Hunter**


	7. Kill-amari

**I don't own Minecraft or 1000 Ways to Die. Those are owned by (Notch, his partners, Mojang, and affiliate companies) and (Spike TV), respectively.**

**Alright people. Another suggestion from bookworm (thanks!) so let's do this.**

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Toasty was once again on the run from the police and righteous adventurers. Luckily, he had been smart enough to plan ahead this time. The town he pillaged was on a coast, so he had a boat ready to go. He jumped into it, and it started to go forward.

The people left on shore were understandably angry, and threw rocks at him. Then an archer Toasty had mugged aimed his bow. One single arrow flew, but the soggy sea air pulled the arrow down into the boat instead of Toasty's skull.

Toasty laughed at them, and sat contently in his boat. Then he noticed a damp spot on his back. Maybe the arrow did hit him, slightly.

He checked, and saw that the wetness wasn't thanks to blood, but water. Toasty scooped up water in his hands and threw it out, in a frantic attempt to save his vessel.

Eventually the water overwhelmed the small craft, and he sunk. The boat dragged Toasty down to the bottom of the lake, and that was where Toasty would have died.

If he hadn't planned ahead (he was getting better at this) and packed a bottle. It was full of air, which was what he needed. Sucking in the bottle's contents, or lack of, he had enough to make it to the surface if he hurried.

He kicked hard to start to swim upwards, and could start to see light when something wrapped around his leg. He tried shaking it off, and kicking at it. After all, it was probably just a plant.

There are no plants underwater, Toasty realized too late.

The tentacle pulled him further down, and Toasty came face to face with a very angry squid. It grabbed his legs in one tentacle, his arms in another, and jabbed him in the stomach with another.

Toasty let out precious air bubbles, and he panicked. He broke free of the tentacles, and kicked the squid as he swam his way up.

He could feel heat from the sun as he was inches from the surface. His finger broke through and he smirked.

A tentacle wrapped around his neck, pulling him down. Using all its tentacles, the squid rendered Toasty immobile. Squeezing Toasty's neck, his last bit of air went skywards.

It squeezed even harder, and Toasty heard a dull snap before everything went black.

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The doctor noted the dead corpse on the beach. He addressed the angry crowd still nearby and ready to pummel Toasty.

"Toasty is dead, everyone. By the looks of it, he drowned. But not normally, since there are bruises on his extremities and neck. In fact, I think he was strangled underwater. A couple vertebrae are broken, and his lungs seem completely filled with water."

He cleared his throat. "Shame."

The doctor looked out at the lake, curious as to what really happened. But somehow, he knew.

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**So that was the end of Toasty for this chapter. Thanks for reading, hope you liked it!**


	8. Flower Power

**I don't own Minecraft or 1000 Ways to Die. That's Notch and friends plus Mojang, and Spike TV.**

**So it's definitely been a while for an update for this story, eh? I decided to give it another shot, although I think these will be of a differing quality. Sorry for both the potential awfulness of this chapter, and the long wait.**

**Thanks to rachel4eav7 for the idea.**

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Jared sniffed the red rose in his hand. The sweet smell intoxicated him and he laughed. His pockets were filled with yellow and red flowers, and he couldn't have been happier. Suddenly he shivered, and looked up at the sky.

The moon looked back. He paled as he realized the day had been frolicked away.

He started to tremble, but attempted to focus on the sweet smell of the flower. He took out a couple more of differing colors to truly immerse himself in the scent. His eyes closed in euphoria.

They snapped open as rattling and moaning cut through the previously still air. Jared looked left and right without moving his head. He sighed before a strong shove sent him to the ground.

He flipped onto his back and screamed at what he saw. A human, like him, was above him. Or at least, it used to be human. Now, it seemed to be dead but alive.

The undead let a moan escape its cracked and bloodied lips before looking down at its prey. Jared's face lost all color, and he scrambled backwards into a hard yet thin frame. He stood quickly and turned his back to the slowly shambling form.

A skeleton leered at him. Its empty sockets seemed to try to absorb whatever little light was left both in its surroundings and his soul. He yelped and jumped up.

Jared took this opportunity to run away. He turned as he ran, and was shocked to see the bony figure hold a bow and aim it straight at him. He ducked reflexively, and not a moment too soon as the arrow whizzed above his head.

The terrified human ran forward, not caring what was in his path. He tripped over a black mass, and saw it to be a massive spider, eyes glowing an angry red.

He swore and started to crawl, just as his face met with a green body. He looked up to a black frown, before an explosion threw him off his feet and straight into the air.

He landed on grass with a dull thud. Pain erupted from the back of his head as he had landed on his back. The undead growled and climbed on his weak form. In a last ditch effort, he offered the rose to the zombie.

It bit down on his hand, before a black arm emitting purple smoke appeared above his head. It slammed down on his skull, and his vision faded to nothing.

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The doctor stood next to the body, explaining to himself what occurred. "The explosion had caused fractures from the sheer force and proximity. Along with that, shrapnel had lodged itself in his chest and head, although the damage from that was minimal."

"The fall bruised his back and knocked his heart into arrhythmia. Although that would have eventually killed him, other mobs finished the job. The zombie had bitten down and started to _eat_ him. Luckily, he was spared most of this agony by the Enderman, who knocked him out in a swift blow to the head."

"The blow caused a concussion and immediate unconsciousness. Along with that, the bites should have transmitted the undead disease."

At this, Jared's body bucked and a moan let itself out. The doctor took out a pistol, aimed between Jared's now milky eyes, and fired a single bullet.

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**I hope it wasn't too awful. This seems to me to be a rebirth of interest in this fanfiction for me, so expect new chapters "soon," considering soon is relative...**


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